"Flow" Time : Don't Miss Out

I have been listening and reading a few positive psychology books lately that have reminded me of the importance of "flow", a state of engagement where one is completely involved in a challenging, encompassing activity researched and written about extensively by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.
There are a multitude of activities that I enjoy but somehow put aside when the demands of everyday life take over. In creating the list below, I am reminding myself to take the time to do these mostly flow-inducing activities. If they aren't challenging enough to create flow, I know that they are activities that fuel me in a positive way!

• write
  
• doodle, draw, create
• connect with friends
• workout
• write ( yes, I said it again!)
  
• research areas of interest
• integrate ideas into outlines for future writing
• read
• listen to new and interesting podcasts
• run on the beach
• listen to music
• go to hear live music
  
• watch the sunset
  

So what fuels you? What activities put you in that state where you are so engrossed that you lose track of time? What are your excuses for not doing them? Here are some of my half-baked excuses!

• I don't have time! This is perhaps the most lame excuse of all, as most of us have at least 30 minutes in our day that we can commit to an enriching, fueling activity that will help us to be more productive and fulfilled.

• My partner won't understand my need for this time. If you take the time to engage in an activity that produces "flow", it is likely that you will be happier, calmer and more able to engage in fuller interaction with your loved one. Communication is the key here so that both partners get the time they need in the relationship.
  

• I'm too tired when I get home from work. The great thing about flow-inducing activities is that they require that you simply "begin" doing them. If they have been meaningful and enjoyable before, why not just put one foot in front of the other and begin? I have had countless times of being "too tired" but when I get started I suddenly get a burst of energy.

• I don't know what brings me flow. Now is the time to explore! Brainstorm activities you enjoyed before life's responsibilities got in the way. Numerous people have told me, "I'm not creative!" but then they remember spending hours doodling and drawing as a kid. Find that inner kid! He/she has the key!

Today is all we have. Make it count by fully engaging in life.

Riding the Wave.. 5 tips to Being Your Own Life-saver

My husband and I often talk about life's challenges and the differences in the way we deal with them. I lament the fact that I seem to wear my heart so openly on my sleeve where others can easily see it, throw it to the ground and stomp on it. Fortunately, this doesn't happen all that often, though a particular parent has a grand time trying her best with her bullying behavior.
One day, while talking about our different strengths and how they play out in difficult situations, my husband used an analogy that "stuck" for me. He referred to the way that I handle highly charged emotional situations as, "riding the wave." While others crash and burn, he said, "you graciously ride the wave" and "somehow you manage to just safely come into the shore." Sometimes, like right now, I feel overwhelmed by the weight of all that I have to do. I do not feel like I am riding anything! The end of the school year is rapidly approaching and I feel like I am drowning.
I came to the conclusion, today, that I must be my own "life-saver." Although I have a wonderfully supportive husband, amazing friends, family, and teammates, I cannot expect anyone to rescue me! So how can I ensure that I continue to ride the wave without crashing?

These 5 ideas will help( if I do them consistently, of course!)

1) I must exercise at least 3-4 times per week to ease stress and anxiety, not to mention get me ready for summer!
2) I need to have my lunch and clothes ready the night before a school day so that I don't have to run around frantically before I leave the house in the morning.
3) I will remind myself that other peoples' crises, often resulting from their own procrastination, does not mean that I have a crisis. I will help when I can, but I will not take on others' responsibilities.
4) I will eat well and nurture myself. It's so much easier to eat "junk" when stressed or short of time! I need to be carrying healthy snacks and eat something before the starvation hits!
5) I need to be sure I am getting enough sleep! Sleep is incredibly powerful in affecting our outlook on life.
And with that thought.. I am off to bed right now!

Am I the only one with Tweeter's Remorse?

I blog on Blogger, tweet on Twitter and frolic with family and friends on Facebook. My life is quite busy, with teaching and tutoring, so my online social time is somewhat limited; perhaps that is a good thing! You see, I am quite a reflective person, who sometimes gets stuck in her head pondering endless possibilities. Although I have a high need to communicate my ideas and thoughts, I am also highly sensitive, leading me occasionally down a path littered with land mines: intense moments of self-doubt and criticism. One of those moments today inspired me to stop and wonder: Does anyone else worry about what they put out there for the world to see? Has anyone posted something and, just as they would after making a very important purchase, suddenly shut down the computer, or put away the iphone only to have tweeter's remorse over something they had shared? The little voice inside my head does a thoroughly good job of raking me over the coals after I share a link to a blog entry or post an idea or original quote. I wonder if anyone else suffers the following thoughts:
Did that post make me look/sound: not smart enough, silly, self-indulgent, pathetic, condescending? and the list of fears goes on. I have even giggled to myself: Does that post make my butt look big?
In order to avoid that gut-wrenching feeling of dread, here are a few questions I ask myself before I send off my messages to the world through the realm of social media.

1) Would I have said that to a real-life person? I imagine myself at work or with my family and wonder if I would have had the courage to say those words.
2) Does my message match my values and beliefs? Conversely, am I putting something forth to shock others or persuade them to follow a path I don't necessarily believe in?
3) Will my future life be affected by any mindless statements I once made? As a teacher, certain aspects of my life, like it or not, are judged by my audience. Yes, I have private, free time, but there is no guarantee that something I post will not be linked to me in a public way. Am I proud of how I represent myself?
4) Am I reinforcing helpful or healthy ideation?
5) Does my message enhance relationships with new friends by offering support, advice, or humor to help someone get through a rough patch?

I suppose I do think too much.. but maybe reflection isn't such a bad thing. I suddenly feel the urge to share this post, and for once, I don't think I will analyze it.

In the words of Michelangelo:

The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.

Positively Pissed!

Today I finally got my taxes done. Yes, yes, I am a procrastinator.. especially when I feel that bad news is on the horizon. I am pretty thoroughly annoyed with a system that encourages hard work, yet penalizes you when you fall into some arbitrary tax bracket. I work 2 jobs: as a teacher, and as a tutor/coach, and I hit an income level last year that "dis-allowed" my write off for student loan interest. I am sick about this! I took out a loan for my masters degree several years ago and I will be paying this loan off for many years to come. Up until now, the interest was deductible! But now, because I worked my a@# off , working sometimes 14 hour days, 6 days a week, I am penalized. I don't mind paying my fair share! But seriously...
The extra money is my "in case my kids in college need my help" money and I am not complaining! I love the work I do and it fuels my soul. But getting penalized by taking away a write off for loan interest that was accrued in educating myself to "do good for others" ???? Like I said.. it makes me feel a bit.. well.. perturbed.

So.. what am I going to do about it? Well, thanks to the wonderful release of writing, I feel much better for this rant. I am now going to put on my ipod, jump on my elliptical and sweat out the anger. I will let you know if it helps :-)

Savoring the Simple Moments

It was a beautiful blustery sunset tonight. I had planned to jog on the beach but the wind made it a bit difficult and I chose to walk instead. Slowing down and not being on a mission to "exercise" certainly gave me the chance to savor the moment. I decided to open my senses to all of the sights, smells, and sounds as I walked toward the sunset along the beach. Dogs frolicked, their owners smiling and saying hello as I smiled at them. Children danced in and out of the water, screaming gleefully as they dipped their toes in the rushing water. Serenity found me as I smelled the salty ocean, marveling at an otter swimming parallel to me as I walked along the beach. I shot a few pictures, took some deep breaths and stopped to listen to the ocean roar louder as I closed my eyes for a few moments. I was completely at peace.
I am pledging right now to make sure I savor more of these beautiful moments. They are most certainly a gift.

Song Lyrics Validate Life

I have heard this song so many times and each time it seems to resonate with me in another way. It's called "Heart of Life" and it's on John Mayer's album, Continuum. The lyrics seem to speak to me when I am going through a difficult moment:

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then, the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

I think it's refreshing to validate that pain is there, but friends help us keep the hope. Fear is a friend.. interesting concept.. as fear can hold us back unless we embrace it and move ahead in realistic confidence.

I love this song! Check it out!

It can be Tough to Stay Positive

It's been a heck of a challenge to stay positive during these past couple weeks. I've been sick, but still somehow managing to do my 2 jobs, and I have been battling stress and the blues. Friday is "Pink Friday" where we stand up and protest all of the funds cut from education. Talk about challenging times!
At school I have some wonderful parents and some "other" parents who seem to undermine my hard work and efforts to help their children. I actually heard a parent instruct her child not to tell me if she needed help resolving a conflict because I "wouldn't be much help to her." She told her child that she was "better than the other kids anyway." Of course my hands are tied as somehow there is an unwritten rule that parents can bully teachers but not the other way around. This woman can walk into my classroom at any time and make her snide remarks, and there is not a thing I can do. Who is it going to hurt most? Her child, of course. I am an adult and I can get over it.
In another scenario, I have a kid in my class, who, after 10 foster homes, is finally getting adopted. She is five years old, got glasses last week so she could see, entered my class mid October and is struggling academically. Social workers, foster parents are up in arms about the school "not doing anything to help this child." Excuse me? Who let this child down? She has been with me for 83 days of school and she has made progress. She is sweet at times, highly inattentive, somewhat impulsive and makes odd facial expressions, possibly due to anxiety. It will take some time to truly evaluate her needs and provide the appropriate interventions and supports. For now, I work with her daily in small groups, redirect her often, stay close to her, and firmly love her and encourage her to believe in herself. Somehow, according to some people, this is not enough. I am dumbfounded.
This rant doesn't sound so positive until you realize that at the end of it.. the bottom line is.. I still love my job. I just am not the superhero they are looking for. I happen to be human.