Song Lyrics Validate Life

I have heard this song so many times and each time it seems to resonate with me in another way. It's called "Heart of Life" and it's on John Mayer's album, Continuum. The lyrics seem to speak to me when I am going through a difficult moment:

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But then, the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

I think it's refreshing to validate that pain is there, but friends help us keep the hope. Fear is a friend.. interesting concept.. as fear can hold us back unless we embrace it and move ahead in realistic confidence.

I love this song! Check it out!

It can be Tough to Stay Positive

It's been a heck of a challenge to stay positive during these past couple weeks. I've been sick, but still somehow managing to do my 2 jobs, and I have been battling stress and the blues. Friday is "Pink Friday" where we stand up and protest all of the funds cut from education. Talk about challenging times!
At school I have some wonderful parents and some "other" parents who seem to undermine my hard work and efforts to help their children. I actually heard a parent instruct her child not to tell me if she needed help resolving a conflict because I "wouldn't be much help to her." She told her child that she was "better than the other kids anyway." Of course my hands are tied as somehow there is an unwritten rule that parents can bully teachers but not the other way around. This woman can walk into my classroom at any time and make her snide remarks, and there is not a thing I can do. Who is it going to hurt most? Her child, of course. I am an adult and I can get over it.
In another scenario, I have a kid in my class, who, after 10 foster homes, is finally getting adopted. She is five years old, got glasses last week so she could see, entered my class mid October and is struggling academically. Social workers, foster parents are up in arms about the school "not doing anything to help this child." Excuse me? Who let this child down? She has been with me for 83 days of school and she has made progress. She is sweet at times, highly inattentive, somewhat impulsive and makes odd facial expressions, possibly due to anxiety. It will take some time to truly evaluate her needs and provide the appropriate interventions and supports. For now, I work with her daily in small groups, redirect her often, stay close to her, and firmly love her and encourage her to believe in herself. Somehow, according to some people, this is not enough. I am dumbfounded.
This rant doesn't sound so positive until you realize that at the end of it.. the bottom line is.. I still love my job. I just am not the superhero they are looking for. I happen to be human.

The Contrast of Sorrow

I was unprepared for the news as I came back to work yesterday, refreshed after a week of writing and spending time with my wonderful husband. A coworker's 29 year old daughter in law, 6 months pregnant, had passed away last week. Frozen in shock, to soon be replaced by utter sadness, I walked to my classroom, shaking my head in disbelief. How could this happen? This young couple were awaiting the birth of their first child. And now, the husband was suddenly a widower, losing his wife and his first child.
As I write now, I can feel the numbness invade my body. Thoughts freeze in my mind, as I try to pay respectful homage to this grieving family. What can I possibly do, or say, to support and ease the pain? I don't even know the family; I only know the woman who will be watching today, as her daughter in law and granddaughter are buried.
I suppose that all I can do is offer a loving, kind support as this coworker returns to school. I can gratefully embrace and cherish those I love and remind myself that there are no guarantees in this life. I know that I must take each day as an opportunity to spread light and love to those who cross my path. Life's sorrows can be immense and painful. There is no way to be open to joy, without also being open to sadness.

Fascination Field Trip

Yep, that's me standing by the double decker bus. So, what's the relation to positivity? Well, with my new frame of reference I attribute to more mindfully experiencing life, I have decided to take any opportunity to explore places which invoke awe and fascination. Yesterday it was St. Paul's Cathedral in London.
After climbing 257 steps to explore the dome and listen for the whispers in the Whispering Gallery, I was entranced by childlike wonder. How does a whisper, spoken against one wall become audible way on the other side of the dome? How did they build this incredible place, 300 years ago for this particular cathedral, and 1400 years ago, for the original cathedral that was destroyed by fire. I sat in quiet awe.
As I marveled the architecture, lit a candle in memory of my loved ones, and sat in silence enjoying my husband's warm hand in mine, I vowed to incorporate more of these inspiring experiences into my life. The richness gained by mindfully experiencing beautiful art, history and culture surely refuel me.

Gratitude and Attitude

Today I am filled with gratitude. Why today? Well, I am not exactly sure, but as I drove to work and listened to music from my wedding day, I was flooded with beautiful memories of that special day, 8/8/08.
I am a reflective person, as anyone who knows me can attest to, sometimes to the point of positively annoying others! As a kid I was called, "too sensitive," and described as "she thinks too much."
Today I use that as a strength as I brainstorm all the things I am grateful for:

• My loving kids, Nick and Stef
• My best friend and husband, Don
• My siblings, though spread across the country, still close in my heart
• My job: a place I get to live my mission of working with and inspiring kids
• My coaching/tutoring job: where I learn so much and share with older kids finding their way as learners
• Creativity: as it leads me to endless possibilities and solutions for my life and others dear to me
• Writing: as it has opened my heart and mind freeing me from my own cage of self-restrictive thoughts
• Living in a beautiful place: though I must work a lot to afford it, I am grateful to live near the ocean
• God : a very personal belief so I will stop and not try to explain
  
• Collaboration: I have recently written to people in Positive Psychology sharing my thoughts and admiration for their work.
• Knowing my mission in life and having meaning.
• The loving partners my kids have chosen to share their lives with
• Wonderful memories of my mom who I miss so much
• Music that enlivens my soul
• I think that will be it for now.. as this will be a work in progress :-)
• What are you grateful for today?
  

Focus.. You Gotta Focus..

It's funny how certain phrases get stuck in my head. Today I hear Billy Blanks, Tae Bo instructor, in my head saying, "Focus, you gotta focus. Visualize.. "v" "v "visualize!" I used to do Tae Bo often, so it makes sense that his words are deeply stowed in my memory. Although he was talking about focusing on progress during exercise, the message resonates deeply now as it rings true in most all of life.
Today was full of opportunities where I had a choice whether to focus on something negative and be annoyed, angry, irritated, or impatient or to focus on something positive, and be amused, playful and peaceful .
As I began my morning drive "over the hill" on curvy highway 17, I realized that I could drive mindfully, safely avoiding those "characters" ( previously referred to as "bleep-holes ) who somehow think that they have 9 lives. I focused my mind on my day ahead, without the negative self-talk that I sometimes so willingly participate in. I also reminded myself of the beauty around me. The full moon was glowing behind some parting dark clouds, and as I arrived at school it burst through, lighting up the sky quite magnificently, giving way to a beautiful morning. I actually uttered a "wow" to myself. Wow.. now that's a great word!
I won't bore you with the details of the rest of my day.. as it was a back and forth battle of the "get sucked into the negative" or "focus on a positive" , but I will say that my morning was challenged by interactions with an attention seeking student, desperate to be loved and accepted. Instead of staying with the frustration, I remembered the impact of the heart. A kind gentle word of encouragement was not the first thing that came to mind as she acted out, trust me! When I called her over to do a math assessment, it was my soft hand on her shoulder as she tried her best to answer a question, that turned her day around, at least for awhile.
In every moment we have a choice.. where are we going to place our focus? I think I need to listen to my heart more; it seems to have all of the answers I need.

Reducing Negativity

As I read Barb Fredrickson's, Positivity, book I am inspired by the suggested real-life applications to improve well-being. As a self-declared "I am my own worst enemy" person ( but in recovery ..) I strive to challenge the negative self-chatter that occurs on a daily basis.
One of the ideas I definitely plan to use is an activity adapted from the Penn Resliency program. You jot down the negative, self-defeating things you say to yourself on index cards throughout the day. After you have collected these messages, you sit down with your "negativity deck" and consciously challenge these erroneous beliefs. Many of the negative thoughts and messages are irrational old scripts, no longer useful or accurate in any way.

Here are some of mine, which I will bravely share, followed by refuting comments.

• You're so lazy for not working out last night! comeback: " You didn't get a chance to work out last night because you worked late and didn't get home until 9:00!"
• You are so selfish for taking so much time writing for your blog! comeback: "You have been wanting to write consistently for years now. Good for you!"
• You have no self control, eating those cookies! comeback: "Life is too short not to eat cookies ( within reason :-) ) "
• You are a bad mom! You don't call your kids every day. comeback: You do the best you can. You call regularly, talk online with Stef almost daily and text Nick to show you care. You allow your kids to have their own lives.
  
• He didn't email me. I must be unlovable. comeback: He was busy studying. You know how much he loves you!

The idea behind this activity is key! Negative thoughts are quick and powerful and we can combat their effects by challenging them aloud. When you find yourself dwelling on a negative, examine it, refute it! Don't let it take hold as the belief of the moment. We have the power to impact our own emotions using techniques that help us examine and alter our thought patterns. We need to embrace that power and thrive through the positive reframing of negative thoughts.